What to Consider When Taking Back a Cheater

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve thankfully gotten wiser and learned a lot about relationships. I actually have to give one man credit though for making me smarter thanks to his shortcomings. When I first met him at the tender age of 24, it was a fairy tale. He was perfect and quintessentially, the best person for me. He became “my person” as one of my best friends lovingly calls it. But little did I know, our relationship actually started on a liebut only because he feared losing me. And that fear lived with him for six years. And through the years, despite the hardships of us Ross and Rachel-ing it, not only did he break my heart tremendously, but his selfishness was my knowledgeable gain. If anything, I actually feel piteous to the woman who is too afraid to move forward from him. If anything, Daisy, she’s just like him.

And despite him swearing he’s changed, he hasn’t. He still sits up late night while she sleeps, playing video games, watching movies and even watching the genre that starts with a “P.” He can keep saying or thinking otherwise that his life is la-dee-daa, and trying to get everyone to believe him and how truthful he is (girl, he still lies), but I know him. In what is incredibly bittersweet though, he and I knew each other exceptionally well. I love him, still do, and always will. But I wish he was stronger. Stronger in what he really wants, stronger in who he can be, and stronger in knowing there’s more to life than what you think you deserve. Life is not about settling. That said, I gave six years of my life to him, intimately, physically, emotionally, all of it. Along the way, lost parts of myself, walked on shards that would be known as my broken heart but those wounds made me way stronger today. And I am the better one always.

Ladies, no matter who you are and whatever decision you make, know these three things: If he cheated on you with someone he was with for a good chunk of your relationship, he doesn’t love you. If he says he can change, give him a chance but know people don’t change and can’t change due to a circumstance. They have to change for themselves. And finally ladies, always know despite the circumstances, married, not married, pregnant with your first born or even pregnant with your fifthknow you deserve better. Why don’t you ever think you deserve better?

That said, taking back a cheater isn’t so cut-and-dry. In keeping with my latest piece for Womanista, I share a few questions you should ask yourself before taking back a cheater.

Womanista | What to Consider When Taking Back a Cheater

Infidelity is not an easy subject to discuss, Womanistas. It can be one of the more devastating relationship crimes to commit. While cheating is a deal breaker for some, others don’t consider it the sole reason for relationship demise. If you have been in the cross-hairs of infidelity, you may have found yourself torn between the two extremes of anger and hurt, unsure of what to do next.
Do you try to forgive and forget the emotional or physical affair and stay together? Do you make a break and move on without your partner? These decisions are not so cut-and-dry and if you do decide to try and make it work together, there are questions to ask yourself before making your final decision.
Continue reading at Womanista…

Your Guide to Spotting a Liar

I generally share my pieces at the end of the month and over at a page on this portfolio devoted to Womanista, but the latest piece I wrote was actually one I enjoyed writing and researching. At one point or another, we’ve been lied to or know someone who’s been lying to us. Of course, the emotional repercussions of a lie are monumentally hurtful, especially if it’s committed by a partner that we’ve devoted so much of our time to.  To help you spot a liar and reclaim your respect, I share reliable ways to catch them dead in their tracks and how you can confront them.

Womanista | Your Guide to Spotting a Liar

While plenty of relationships are built on trust, sometimes people tell lies in an effort to get what they want. Sure, it’d be easier to spot if all liars turned into Pinocchio at the end of the day, but sadly that isn’t the case.
In a University of Massachusetts study, researchers discovered 60% of adults can’t have a ten minute conversation without lying, averaging three lies per every 10 minute session. Those numbers are not only shocking, but seemingly worse for those whose parents were compulsively lying growing up. According to Psychology Today, by the age of four, 90% of children have grasped this sneaky distrustful concept, and it only gets worse from there.
Continue reading over at Womanista!

The Art of Lying

Girl - Alone 02

Some things in life are hard to understand or even recognize at first glance—like, lying. Why do we lie to one another? What’s the true intention behind something so unforgivable and deceitful? I’ve often wondered for years about this hurtful act, but this past week, wondered a million times more. Do liars not understand the damage they cause to those they speak to? In many ways, lying is an art. It’s an expression and application of (cunning) human skill with creativity and imagination, and is only ever appreciated by the effect it has on others.