As I’ve gotten older, I’ve thankfully gotten wiser and learned a lot about relationships. I actually have to give one man credit though for making me smarter thanks to his shortcomings. When I first met him at the tender age of 24, it was a fairy tale. He was perfect and quintessentially, the best person for me. He became “my person” as one of my best friends lovingly calls it. But little did I know, our relationship actually started on a lie—but only because he feared losing me. And that fear lived with him for six years. And through the years, despite the hardships of us Ross and Rachel-ing it, not only did he break my heart tremendously, but his selfishness was my knowledgeable gain. If anything, I actually feel piteous to the woman who is too afraid to move forward from him. If anything, Daisy, she’s just like him.
And despite him swearing he’s changed, he hasn’t. He still sits up late night while she sleeps, playing video games, watching movies and even watching the genre that starts with a “P.” He can keep saying or thinking otherwise that his life is la-dee-daa, and trying to get everyone to believe him and how truthful he is (girl, he still lies), but I know him. In what is incredibly bittersweet though, he and I knew each other exceptionally well. I love him, still do, and always will. But I wish he was stronger. Stronger in what he really wants, stronger in who he can be, and stronger in knowing there’s more to life than what you think you deserve. Life is not about settling. That said, I gave six years of my life to him, intimately, physically, emotionally, all of it. Along the way, lost parts of myself, walked on shards that would be known as my broken heart but those wounds made me way stronger today. And I am the better one always.
Ladies, no matter who you are and whatever decision you make, know these three things: If he cheated on you with someone he was with for a good chunk of your relationship, he doesn’t love you. If he says he can change, give him a chance but know people don’t change and can’t change due to a circumstance. They have to change for themselves. And finally ladies, always know despite the circumstances, married, not married, pregnant with your first born or even pregnant with your fifth—know you deserve better. Why don’t you ever think you deserve better?
That said, taking back a cheater isn’t so cut-and-dry. In keeping with my latest piece for Womanista, I share a few questions you should ask yourself before taking back a cheater.
Infidelity is not an easy subject to discuss, Womanistas. It can be one of the more devastating relationship crimes to commit. While cheating is a deal breaker for some, others don’t consider it the sole reason for relationship demise. If you have been in the cross-hairs of infidelity, you may have found yourself torn between the two extremes of anger and hurt, unsure of what to do next.
Do you try to forgive and forget the emotional or physical affair and stay together? Do you make a break and move on without your partner? These decisions are not so cut-and-dry and if you do decide to try and make it work together, there are questions to ask yourself before making your final decision.