self-esteem

5 Reasons People Stay in Bad Relationships, According to Science

We’ve all seen the situation and it baffles you to the core: a spouse cheats on their partner, yet they remain the happy quintessential couple on your sunny neighborhood block. All looks normal on their relationship horizon, but a month or two later pass, and you hear they are heading on vacation, moving to a new home, or what is subjectively worse — have a baby with the intent to “save” their marriage.

Yikes. What could possibly pressure someone to want to stay in a relationship so deceitful after years of emotional abuse and distrust? Well, for one, you should know that it isn’t easy. While many reach a point of no return and cut ties, that’s not the case for everyone — and if you must know, weakness or strength does not come into play. It should be noted with great veneration that all relationships are hard and none are textbook.

While divorce can empower spouses to create opportunities for your family to do the right thing, staying in a bad marriage is a real adversity that harms mental and emotional health. Though staying in a relationship can be seen as puzzling, psychologists prove that there is real, scientific motive couples stay in bad relationships.

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How to Be Your Own Best Friend for a Healthier Lifestyle

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There’s no denying that while we might be surrounded by amazing relationships in our waking life, we have spent every moment from birth to now in our very own company. And the truth is, no matter who pops in and out of our life, we will always be the one soul consistently there for us.

It might sound like a lonely thing to say, but we never escape our own presence and in that understanding, we have the ability to be our own best friend, without fear and without judgement. After all, if we allow ourselves to be our own best friends, chances are we will never really be alone.

So often we disappear into those we love or the life we make, that we end up neglecting not just our family or friends, but ourselves. Whether you’re 34 or 64, how many friends you have and at what stage in life you’re at, it’s essential to recognize that you are capable of everything you imagine for the others you love in your own life.

In order to feel at peace and realize we are worthy of self-love, we need to build a solid friendship with our very being at the core. It might take some work and patience but with a careful mindfulness, you can surely get there.

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How Positive Affirmations Work For You

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I’ve been through a lot in the past few months, both emotionally and mentally and one thing I know is that I am better than the circumstances have presented. While people can be foolish and sweep their difficulties under the rug or live in denial like I mentioned in one of my last posts, I’ve come to learn that I am so much more tougher than I believe. I’m also so much more well-rounded in my thinking now than some others might be. It’s sad when people don’t see their real worth and decide they should just settle, be unhappy and think because they’ve made their bed, it’s best. Of course, that’s just insecurity or like I’ve reiterated before, stemming from a fear ingrained so far back into our history that we can’t see a way out of it.

In one of my latest (and most recently, favorites!) for Womanista, I really dug deep. After being in a six-year “relationship” with someone one of my best friends suggests might have been a “narcissistic sociopath” (her words, not mine), I have to find a way out of the hole he intentionally and selfishly dug me in. While he never verbally abused me nor hurt me physically (he was always so gentle—down to a touch), he was an emotional manipulator and drove me to believe things I believed far and instinctively in my gut. (Ah, my sweet, sweet Casanova!) Of course, that on-and-off of his own insecurity and relationship indecision ended up feeding doubt to my own thinking and produced immense pain. So, in my latest titled, “How Positive Affirmations Work For You,” I show readers how to change their thinking in order to change their lives through positive self-talk.

When we are in bad relationships or have terrible self-esteem stemming from childhood trauma and conflicts, we often believe we deserve it. We think we deserve all the bad things and bad thoughts, and those statements that are untrue become a standard we follow. We believe all that negativity is real. That we’ve made our choices and this is it. But, with a steadfast faith and strong belief in yourself that you are better, you can change those processes to increase positive habits of self-love.

Without further adieu…

Womanista | How Positive Affirmations Work For You

With the ins and outs of life, a majority of us often succumb to negativity more so than positivity. Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found negative attitudes are far more contagious than positive ones, drawing the conclusion that our outlooks become more influenced by bad news than good.
Between body shaming and untrue statements of self-worth, it’s no doubt we’re our own worst critics. Whether ingrained from childhood or past experiences, this type of thinking becomes a norm through habit, which is why it’s crucial to change our thinking to change our lives.
Regarded as constructive self-talk, positive affirmations are statements about our situation and selves phrased in the present tense as if it were already true. A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found those using self-affirmations perform better in daily tasks.
Affirmations work best through helping us change ourselves through adjusting and replacing insecurity with something better — something more productive to our mental health. By taking baby steps, self-assurance through positive talk can reprogram our thinking so we better understand our real self-worth.
CONTINUE READING OVER AT WOMANISTA!

The Ripples of an Unfound Man

While working on an assignment a few days ago, I came across this quote from an unknown author that read, “Until a man finds himself, he’ll ruin every woman he comes across.” Now, I don’t particularly agree with that quote per se because I think a man can only ruin a woman if she lets him. But with that being said, I do see some truth in it—especially when it comes to the unfound man and the unfound woman, brimming with insecurity.

Although, I’ve been in more than one relationship, I can openly say I’ve only ever loved purely and most innocently once. Frankly, still in love with the guy too. At this point, I’m thinking I’ll end up treading the Jane Austen route. And honestly, how could I not still be in love with him? He is perfect and imperfect in every way and his being fills my soul. He’s also the type of person to inspire the poet in you, make you venture into the deep, dark unknown. Beautifully and perhaps through kismet, he also drove me to follow my dreams. School, writing, all of it. If it wasn’t for him in my life, I never would have really put my dreams into action and been confident to share what The Hudsucker is today with readers.

Unfortunately, he was a liar and dehumanized me to people in his life when I was not around. A big rotten liar, he was. That’s the part that breaks my heart the most. And while that’s another subject (and memoir perhaps), it’s safe to say habitual liars like him never change—no matter who they’re with (or randomly, decide to have a baby with to safeguard the veneers of their world). The thing is, these types of liars are timid and it’s a genetic character of their personality and upbringing that strengthens in any opportunity they can find.

But to the woman in love and still attracted to the man who is in the midst of discovering himself while screwing up over and over, I think there is a big lesson for her to learn about herself. In other words, I’m basically speaking to the half-wit pretentious oddity in his life right now. The gravid who made a goaded decision on a whim and like clockwork, created a miscellany in January only to send it to me a month later as if to childishly spite me (like, wtaf—vous avez besoin de grandir). The one who doesn’t know how to use words effectively and like he states, is overly dramatic like the rest of her pleb “trucker” family. Her.

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Finding Self-Worth Through a Lie

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If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the woman he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.”  — SHANNON L. ALDER

When our heart suffers emotional trauma like a breakup, we often find ourselves looking for ways to understand who we are at the end of the storm. Searching through such debris carried off through the yearly winds becomes an arduous task as we find parts of ourselves we might not even recognize. Along the way, we have graciously maintained our feelings over valuing our true worth. (more…)

Adding a Social Media Cleanse To Your “Tech Diet”

Social Media - Jason Howie FlickrWith technology continuously advancing and social media setting new rules for all segments of society, every day we get more connected to each other. Conversely then, does being more connected mean being more communicative? Scientists don’t think so. In fact, a study out of the University of Michigan shows how online social media contributes to loneliness and reduces overall life-satisfaction, rather than making us feel connected.

Without a doubt, we have become addicted to our digital devices; we check our emails a number of times in a single day, photograph our food, post status updates about what we’re up to, and in many ways it seems like a quality way of keeping in touch with those that matter, but that’s not the case. Technology in these past few years has made aspects of our social life easier, giving hope and optimism to those using it. In many ways, social networking has glorified the virtual romance of technology but has made users pay the price with their self-esteem.

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